Between the breaths of silence that seeped its way past us, creating a small invisible barrier as if it were a sign of what was inevitable. It needed to happen, we weren’t entirely when but it needed to stop. There was an urge to step forward but dark eyes stared up at me as if I were no longer human. What did I look like now? What I had become in her eyes, I did not know but I was morbidly curious and a small part of me told me to reach out but I knew my limits. I shouldn’t push too hard at something so fragile after all. She was the first to move, as she took small steps away from me, her eyes still fixated on mine in case I moved within the brief second that she blinked. I stayed still and for a second I could see her fleeting trust return but as quick as it came, it dissipated into nothingness. It was almost like I had been turned into stone and she watched me as curiously as I had her but it was a different feeling.
I should be guilty. I should feel something other than excitement and anticipation. This wasn’t normal but it had to be. It was a small joy I held in my heart whenever I saw her but she never knew. She never knew how long and how hard I would stare after her. She never knew how many times I would pass by her on the field, waiting for her to notice my presence. She never would. No one could ever love a person so much. No one could ever love as I have. Even in the darkness of my heart, surely she could see the light that I carried solely for her.
I want to show her, let her feel what my love really means. Her eyes tell me she’s afraid to see past my actions but my love stands taller than that. She needs to look harder. I want to touch her hair, I want to smell the sweet fragrance that embraces her every being, I want to feel her soft porcelain skin under my fingertips…I want her to need me as much as I need her. It shouldn’t be this hard but she doesn’t love me as much as she should. She doesn’t adore me. To her, I am revolting. Unrecognisable. But let me ask this…What’s more revolting, the sinful actions she partook with me or my unnatural forbidden love for her. Not so hard to answer now, hm? Who’s more distasteful, me or her?
She’s almost lucky. I still love her as much as I did before yet she refuses to see it. Instead she pushes me away as if I were the monster. As if I lured her here. The one she should really be blaming is herself and that reckless fool she spends her time with. I’m just a victim in all of this, I swear. I’m just an innocent bystander and they’re the fools.