Imagine crystalline raindrops falling from the sky. Imagine a girl lying in her bed, watching as the rain pours outside her window. Imagine her thoughts, her feelings and now think to yourself…How you would feel if you were in her place.
In this girl’s mind there are just simple thoughts that meld together to become a complex web of emotion. She thinks to herself, why? Why is it that she can’t be outside? Why is it today that the weather is so dreary? Why is it, she can’t be somewhere other than here?
The answer is simple. These four walls keep her safe and secure. She has a roof over her head to keep the water out and a floor beneath her to keep her stable. These four simple walls (that have been recently repainted from a pastel blue to lilac) keep her away and she continues to think to herself: From what?
Her mind wanders to a time where she had been outside. It was a sunny day, and she had been at a picnic with her family. It was at this time that her father had received a call. “Come immediately,” they said, “We need all of the help we can get.” Her father was a doctor. A simple day had turned into a day full of grief. A few blocks away. So far…yet so close…A charming, illogical description. She was far from the sight of destruction but the feeling of grief was so close. It could easily wrap its nimble fingers around her heart and soul, clouding her mind with thoughts previously unknown to her. The news of the disaster was broadcast that same day.
A massacre at a nearby shopping centre, not far from where they had been when they were on their picnic. Her father had been called to help the wounded and from his face when he had returned home, she knew that was not all he saw. He saw the families of the dead, the blank faces of those who had passed and the pain of the wounded. He saw the idle fear of the policeman; unable to comprehend why this would happen. And then he saw the faces of his co-workers. They had been working far longer than he had yet this had shocked him. They were without emotion and worked methodically as if they had seen this before. To him, this was a shock but he soon realised that for those who had seen too much, this was anything but unusual. They had become accustomed to it, and as much as her father found it hard to say, he knew that that was the word to describe it. His co-workers had willed the grief away before it gripped them because it was their duty. They couldn’t be consumed by it and thus, worked beside it. Her father still couldn’t agree with their ways but she could see it in his eyes. Soon he too, will be the same.
The memory snaps in her mind and brings her back to the present. It is now that she realises why she dwells inside. It is not simply the wind and the rain but the people. The people who she does not know and will not know. Their actions are unpredictable and selfish and she comes to this conclusion. Humans…They are selfish. Though not consciously, they are. It was an uncomfortable thought but she believed it to be true. The reason that horrible tragedy occurred was because of the selfish desire of a group of people who believed their purpose to be justified. These four walls that encompass her…They are her security, her comfort, her home.
By now, the rain has stopped and the sky has become dark. She had spent the whole day in her thoughts that when the rain stopped, she hadn’t thought of going outside like she had previously planned. Instead, her mind’s web grew and with that, so did her understanding.
Thoughts are more powerful than actions.